Andrew and Jackie
“Why am I naked?!”
This is the question that starts my morning. I roll over to my right and see my alarm clock flashing 8:00 at me, and past that I see my roommate Jackie, bare-chested, staring under the covers in shock.
“Dude, Andrew. I’m naked!” he says turning to me as if I had any idea why.
“Good for you. Just make sure the naked stays under the sheets until I leave,” I say, as I slide out of bed and walk over to my dresser.
“Why am I naked?” he asks again.
“I’m guessing it’s because you took your clothes off.”
“Gee thanks, asshole. I mean, do you remember me coming in last night?”
“I was asleep. Today’s my first day of classes, and a scholar such as myself needs a good night’s sleep before endeavors in learning begin.”
Jackie starts to lift his Bruins comforter as if to get up out of the bed.
“Stop!” I yell pointing at him. He halts, visibly surprised by my outburst. “There will be no nakedness in this room!”
“How am I supposed to put clothes on, genius?” Jackie asks, raising his left eyebrow, challenging my logic.
I walk to the other side of the room to Jackie’s dresser and open it up. A sour odor that I’d rather not identify hits me in the face.
“Jackie, we have been here for less than a week, what is that smell?” I grab a pair of red and blue mesh jogging shorts with my finger tips and throw them to him.
“I don’t want to wear shorts! We’re in New Hampshire!” he says, looking at the shorts with disgust. “As for the smell, I spilt some Jaeger in the drawer a couple of nights ago, so I sprayed some Axe in there to hide the smell.” How does one respond to that kind of logic?
“First of all, great plan, now the drawer with all of your pants smells like a frat house. Girls will love it. Second, it is September and about seventy degrees outside. I think you’ll survive. Third, this isn’t a commitment ceremony. All you have to do is put on the shorts so that your business is covered, and then you may choose whatever you wish to wear.” I return to my own dresser to pick out what I am going to wear. I pick out a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt with the Autumn Ridge High School logo on it, the initials ARHS with an opossum in a basketball uniform behind it. I don’t know why our school mascot was an opossum. I come from a very weird town and sometimes I find that such questions are better left unanswered. Jackie slips on the shorts I gave him and climbs out of bed.
“Any idea where Michael is?” I ask.
“He didn’t come back last night again. He probably wanted to watch TV past midnight.”
Jackie has spent all of orientation making fun of the mild insanity that I exhibited on the first night in regards to the television set. When I may have taken the remote from our third roommate Michael and told him that “off” was my favorite channel. Orientation is over, and it’s time to move on! As if Jackie can make comments. He’s the one who has returned around 4 AM every night, apparently some nights without clothing.
“I already apologized to him for that! It was my first night, I was stressed and sleep deprived. He should be honored. I usually save that special side of myself for family members.” I move over behind the small jutting wall near the door to change.
“I think you hurt his feelings,” Jackie says from the other side of the wall.
“I turned off a television set! He’ll get over…” I go to pull up my briefs and find myself falling forward, crashing into the ground and right into the open space of the room, exposed. I wish I had been killed in the fall.
“Dude, Andrew, no nakedness in this room!”
“Go ahead! Make jokes! I could have died. You could have had to carry my broken naked body to the morgue!” I yell at him. I want to stand up and compose myself, yet I still haven’t figured out a way to do so without revealing my frontal region.
“I’m sorry, Andrew. It’s okay. We all have our naked moments in life,” Jackie says. “Are you going to be okay? Did you break anything?”
“Only my dignity,” I respond, humbled.
“Don’t worry, it will mend. Though this image will forever haunt me and my fragile psyche,”
“I hate you.” I quickly crawl backwards into the safety of my nook and finish getting dressed. My phone starts singing some Tisdale, “He Said, She Said” to be specific, and I look to see that Nina has sent me a text message. “Breakfast in five?” I respond with a solid “yes.” Yesterday during orientation we agreed to have breakfast before we started our classes. That way we can both lay our mutual terror out on the table before going to face it head on.
“Is that your girlfriend with the sunglasses?” Jackie asks, donning a pair of ray-bans.
“She is not my girlfriend, she is my collegiate life partner, and I am going to meet her for breakfast.” I say grabbing my backpack, which is chock full of brand new and really heavy textbooks.
“Well if your collegiate life partner needs someone to have an intimate study session with,” Jackie pops his collar and grins. “Our door is always open.”
“That’s charming, I’m sure she’ll swoon at the offer,” I call out behind me. I turn out the door and march down the hallway.
I’m glad that I got a roommate like Jackie. He’s really quick witted and forward. If he is intimidated by being in an unfamiliar situation, he sure doesn’t show it. I hate to admit it, but I was really scared about having to live with other guys. I’ve never really gotten along with guys. Most of my friends are girls. Most of the guys that I meet are bros, and I’m not typically a fan of bros. When I met Jackie I was even more afraid. He was clearly a bro. Hitting on my sister and Nina, the hardcore fascination with all things alcoholic, classic bro behavior. However over the past week we’ve actually become really good friends. I can be sarcastic and make fun of him. Most guys don’t get my humor and end up just making fun of me. Jackie just plays along, and it makes it a lot easier for me to be myself. Thank God, I can at least feel safe in my own room, even though the rest of the college experience is still a little intimidating.
This is the question that starts my morning. I roll over to my right and see my alarm clock flashing 8:00 at me, and past that I see my roommate Jackie, bare-chested, staring under the covers in shock.
“Dude, Andrew. I’m naked!” he says turning to me as if I had any idea why.
“Good for you. Just make sure the naked stays under the sheets until I leave,” I say, as I slide out of bed and walk over to my dresser.
“Why am I naked?” he asks again.
“I’m guessing it’s because you took your clothes off.”
“Gee thanks, asshole. I mean, do you remember me coming in last night?”
“I was asleep. Today’s my first day of classes, and a scholar such as myself needs a good night’s sleep before endeavors in learning begin.”
Jackie starts to lift his Bruins comforter as if to get up out of the bed.
“Stop!” I yell pointing at him. He halts, visibly surprised by my outburst. “There will be no nakedness in this room!”
“How am I supposed to put clothes on, genius?” Jackie asks, raising his left eyebrow, challenging my logic.
I walk to the other side of the room to Jackie’s dresser and open it up. A sour odor that I’d rather not identify hits me in the face.
“Jackie, we have been here for less than a week, what is that smell?” I grab a pair of red and blue mesh jogging shorts with my finger tips and throw them to him.
“I don’t want to wear shorts! We’re in New Hampshire!” he says, looking at the shorts with disgust. “As for the smell, I spilt some Jaeger in the drawer a couple of nights ago, so I sprayed some Axe in there to hide the smell.” How does one respond to that kind of logic?
“First of all, great plan, now the drawer with all of your pants smells like a frat house. Girls will love it. Second, it is September and about seventy degrees outside. I think you’ll survive. Third, this isn’t a commitment ceremony. All you have to do is put on the shorts so that your business is covered, and then you may choose whatever you wish to wear.” I return to my own dresser to pick out what I am going to wear. I pick out a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt with the Autumn Ridge High School logo on it, the initials ARHS with an opossum in a basketball uniform behind it. I don’t know why our school mascot was an opossum. I come from a very weird town and sometimes I find that such questions are better left unanswered. Jackie slips on the shorts I gave him and climbs out of bed.
“Any idea where Michael is?” I ask.
“He didn’t come back last night again. He probably wanted to watch TV past midnight.”
Jackie has spent all of orientation making fun of the mild insanity that I exhibited on the first night in regards to the television set. When I may have taken the remote from our third roommate Michael and told him that “off” was my favorite channel. Orientation is over, and it’s time to move on! As if Jackie can make comments. He’s the one who has returned around 4 AM every night, apparently some nights without clothing.
“I already apologized to him for that! It was my first night, I was stressed and sleep deprived. He should be honored. I usually save that special side of myself for family members.” I move over behind the small jutting wall near the door to change.
“I think you hurt his feelings,” Jackie says from the other side of the wall.
“I turned off a television set! He’ll get over…” I go to pull up my briefs and find myself falling forward, crashing into the ground and right into the open space of the room, exposed. I wish I had been killed in the fall.
“Dude, Andrew, no nakedness in this room!”
“Go ahead! Make jokes! I could have died. You could have had to carry my broken naked body to the morgue!” I yell at him. I want to stand up and compose myself, yet I still haven’t figured out a way to do so without revealing my frontal region.
“I’m sorry, Andrew. It’s okay. We all have our naked moments in life,” Jackie says. “Are you going to be okay? Did you break anything?”
“Only my dignity,” I respond, humbled.
“Don’t worry, it will mend. Though this image will forever haunt me and my fragile psyche,”
“I hate you.” I quickly crawl backwards into the safety of my nook and finish getting dressed. My phone starts singing some Tisdale, “He Said, She Said” to be specific, and I look to see that Nina has sent me a text message. “Breakfast in five?” I respond with a solid “yes.” Yesterday during orientation we agreed to have breakfast before we started our classes. That way we can both lay our mutual terror out on the table before going to face it head on.
“Is that your girlfriend with the sunglasses?” Jackie asks, donning a pair of ray-bans.
“She is not my girlfriend, she is my collegiate life partner, and I am going to meet her for breakfast.” I say grabbing my backpack, which is chock full of brand new and really heavy textbooks.
“Well if your collegiate life partner needs someone to have an intimate study session with,” Jackie pops his collar and grins. “Our door is always open.”
“That’s charming, I’m sure she’ll swoon at the offer,” I call out behind me. I turn out the door and march down the hallway.
I’m glad that I got a roommate like Jackie. He’s really quick witted and forward. If he is intimidated by being in an unfamiliar situation, he sure doesn’t show it. I hate to admit it, but I was really scared about having to live with other guys. I’ve never really gotten along with guys. Most of my friends are girls. Most of the guys that I meet are bros, and I’m not typically a fan of bros. When I met Jackie I was even more afraid. He was clearly a bro. Hitting on my sister and Nina, the hardcore fascination with all things alcoholic, classic bro behavior. However over the past week we’ve actually become really good friends. I can be sarcastic and make fun of him. Most guys don’t get my humor and end up just making fun of me. Jackie just plays along, and it makes it a lot easier for me to be myself. Thank God, I can at least feel safe in my own room, even though the rest of the college experience is still a little intimidating.