Confessional
The leaves crunch underfoot like the decaying bones of one long dead, echoing off the silver birches around me. The sun shines in a rising conflagration that casts a myriad of colors reflected off the trees.
My stomach flips in a twisted sense of excitement; excitement that overwhelms me, dominates my emotions. My sins are few, but those few, they are terrible.
The sun filters down through the trees as it rises, setting the path before me on fire with colors. I am filled with remorse and regret. As the weight of my sin bears down on me, I find it hard to lift each foot from the ground, as if the very earth I stand on knows of the gravity of my sin, and does not want me to continue.
I fear the punishment that may be enforced on me, but I fear more for her, she who is only an innocent victim of my loss of self control. I know nothing of what may happen to her, for the Elders are often unpredictable.
I am approaching the Gathering, and already I hear murmurs filtering down the path I tread. I am pleased that so many are there already.
I can only hope that I am successful, can only hope he acts as I expect him to. I cannot change the laws of the Elders alone. He is crucial, my fate hinges on him. But I know him; he is quick to act when I am near.
He loves me.
There are now others on the path with me, and we are all headed in the same direction. I see fear on faces that are usually empty and blank. They are afraid to confess their sins, afraid of the punishments.
I fear too, but not for myself. The others hoard their fear, keeping it all, not knowing nor caring that they can feel for others – though I am not surprised that they are so ignorant; emotions are not encouraged.
I walk into the Clearing, which is awash with the pale faces of anxiety and denial. The wave of emotion hits me all at once, and I revel in it, almost unable to control myself. A loss of control would release emotions I would rather not have uncovered.
I have seen what that can do, and I do not wish it for myself. He was rash and foolish, and I will learn from his fatal mistakes, keep myself an enigma; mysterious and unreadable.
She catches my sight and I am unable to look away, as an onlooker is unable when gazing upon that which frightens them. She frightens me.
I see from her expression that she is excited, enthralled, maybe even aroused. A Gathering is something only one like her could enjoy; one who feeds off pain.
As I watch her, she turns her head towards me and our eyes meet, black to black. She smiles, a truly terrifying feral thing. My heart jumps in my throat and I fall back a step, my eyes locked on hers, unable to look away
I lick my lips, enjoying his pain. I take a step towards him, but that only ends the spell, and he turns tail and runs like a frightened rabbit runs from the wolf. He cannot hide from me; I can smell his fear like a starving animal smells food. It calls to me, pulsing, throbbing, and leaving a trail.
The Elders step up to the stage at this moment, and I am unable for the moment to follow him. I am forced by obedience to bow to them, my eyes subserviently looking at the ground. I loathe the Elders.
From my refuge I can see her, and the hatred that is written into the tense muscles of her shoulders. It feels good to see her uncomfortable, feeling her own pain. I straighten, respectfully meeting the Elders’ eyes in turn, inclining my head in greeting.
It is silent for some time, as the Elders greet each Confessor personally. I grin as they linger on her, a frown creasing their foreheads, displeased by her obvious reluctance.
There are many Confessors this year, many sins forgiven. I impatiently await my turn, excitement at what is going to come bubbling up inside me, trying to claw its way out. I clamp my teeth down on my tongue, tasting the bitter blood, willing myself to wait, to let the right moment come to me.
I wait in the shadows, watching her, and waiting. There is a gleam in her black eyes, betraying her emotions. Emotions she works hard to smother.
She is tensed, ready to spring. I dread the moment of her Confession, for I feel as if something terrible may happen, something that will change all our lives forever, something that will change our world forever
It is time. I step forward, and the Elders’ eyes move to mine.
“I have sinned,” she states, her back straight, head high, arms relaxed at her sides. “I have traveled to another world.” Being who they are, the Elders do not show any reaction to this statement, but the other Confessors gasp, and a circle of empty space appears around her as they move away, fearful.
I also step back, unwillingly, afraid that the Elders can somehow see me through her.
But they just nod, and say in their quiet voices, “We have heard your sin, Confessor, and we forgive it.”
She nods, but does not step back. “I have also felt the forbidden emotion.”
This time the Elders react, their heads moving as one to stare at her. They look grave. “We have heard your sin, Confessor, and we do not forgive it.”
She nods, a smile creeping into her lips before she forces it back, annoyance flashing into her eyes.
It has played out beautifully. I can see him in the corner of my vision, and he is pale with shock and anger. He steps forward, and the Elders’ eyes snap to his, while the Confessors look on in disbelief, confused emotions leaving them undecided.
“No,” he says to the Elders, and I cannot believe how well this is going, how well I have planned this. Nobody denies the Elders, nor shows them disrespect. It is a sin far worse than the forbidden emotion. He is a fool.
I see his eyes widen in horror before he looks down. “I have sinned. I have shown the Elders disrespect,” he says in a subdued voice, a defeated voice.
The Elders speak now with red anger in their voices. “We have heard you, Confessor, and we do not forgive you.”
He nods and steps back, melting into the crowd.
I keep her in my sights as I move back, feeling the others’ disgust around me. The Elders move their eyes back to her, and she lifts her chin in defiance, the gleam back in her eyes.
“You are banished for your sin, Confessor, under pain of death,” they say quietly to the hushed crowd of Confessors. She nods and turns to the crowd behind her, and finds my eyes. She smiles and sprints away, past the Elders, out of the Clearing, and out of this life.
I think only of him as I run past confusion. Shock. Fear. I will miss the suppressed emotions, but I know I am welcome in that world I went to.
The Elders look to me, and I step forward yet again. The events of the day have shocked the crowd, and all is quiet as the dead. I am afraid again, though she is safe. No, I am scared for myself, not ready to hear my punishment.
“You are hereby sentenced to a life of imprisonment for your sins, Confessor,” the Elders state, quiet malice in their eyes and voices.
I hang my head, ashamed, afraid and relieved. It is no more than I deserve.
But I know she will come back. I know we will escape the Elders together. For I am sure that was her plan all along. To bring down the Elders.
My stomach flips in a twisted sense of excitement; excitement that overwhelms me, dominates my emotions. My sins are few, but those few, they are terrible.
The sun filters down through the trees as it rises, setting the path before me on fire with colors. I am filled with remorse and regret. As the weight of my sin bears down on me, I find it hard to lift each foot from the ground, as if the very earth I stand on knows of the gravity of my sin, and does not want me to continue.
I fear the punishment that may be enforced on me, but I fear more for her, she who is only an innocent victim of my loss of self control. I know nothing of what may happen to her, for the Elders are often unpredictable.
I am approaching the Gathering, and already I hear murmurs filtering down the path I tread. I am pleased that so many are there already.
I can only hope that I am successful, can only hope he acts as I expect him to. I cannot change the laws of the Elders alone. He is crucial, my fate hinges on him. But I know him; he is quick to act when I am near.
He loves me.
There are now others on the path with me, and we are all headed in the same direction. I see fear on faces that are usually empty and blank. They are afraid to confess their sins, afraid of the punishments.
I fear too, but not for myself. The others hoard their fear, keeping it all, not knowing nor caring that they can feel for others – though I am not surprised that they are so ignorant; emotions are not encouraged.
I walk into the Clearing, which is awash with the pale faces of anxiety and denial. The wave of emotion hits me all at once, and I revel in it, almost unable to control myself. A loss of control would release emotions I would rather not have uncovered.
I have seen what that can do, and I do not wish it for myself. He was rash and foolish, and I will learn from his fatal mistakes, keep myself an enigma; mysterious and unreadable.
She catches my sight and I am unable to look away, as an onlooker is unable when gazing upon that which frightens them. She frightens me.
I see from her expression that she is excited, enthralled, maybe even aroused. A Gathering is something only one like her could enjoy; one who feeds off pain.
As I watch her, she turns her head towards me and our eyes meet, black to black. She smiles, a truly terrifying feral thing. My heart jumps in my throat and I fall back a step, my eyes locked on hers, unable to look away
I lick my lips, enjoying his pain. I take a step towards him, but that only ends the spell, and he turns tail and runs like a frightened rabbit runs from the wolf. He cannot hide from me; I can smell his fear like a starving animal smells food. It calls to me, pulsing, throbbing, and leaving a trail.
The Elders step up to the stage at this moment, and I am unable for the moment to follow him. I am forced by obedience to bow to them, my eyes subserviently looking at the ground. I loathe the Elders.
From my refuge I can see her, and the hatred that is written into the tense muscles of her shoulders. It feels good to see her uncomfortable, feeling her own pain. I straighten, respectfully meeting the Elders’ eyes in turn, inclining my head in greeting.
It is silent for some time, as the Elders greet each Confessor personally. I grin as they linger on her, a frown creasing their foreheads, displeased by her obvious reluctance.
There are many Confessors this year, many sins forgiven. I impatiently await my turn, excitement at what is going to come bubbling up inside me, trying to claw its way out. I clamp my teeth down on my tongue, tasting the bitter blood, willing myself to wait, to let the right moment come to me.
I wait in the shadows, watching her, and waiting. There is a gleam in her black eyes, betraying her emotions. Emotions she works hard to smother.
She is tensed, ready to spring. I dread the moment of her Confession, for I feel as if something terrible may happen, something that will change all our lives forever, something that will change our world forever
It is time. I step forward, and the Elders’ eyes move to mine.
“I have sinned,” she states, her back straight, head high, arms relaxed at her sides. “I have traveled to another world.” Being who they are, the Elders do not show any reaction to this statement, but the other Confessors gasp, and a circle of empty space appears around her as they move away, fearful.
I also step back, unwillingly, afraid that the Elders can somehow see me through her.
But they just nod, and say in their quiet voices, “We have heard your sin, Confessor, and we forgive it.”
She nods, but does not step back. “I have also felt the forbidden emotion.”
This time the Elders react, their heads moving as one to stare at her. They look grave. “We have heard your sin, Confessor, and we do not forgive it.”
She nods, a smile creeping into her lips before she forces it back, annoyance flashing into her eyes.
It has played out beautifully. I can see him in the corner of my vision, and he is pale with shock and anger. He steps forward, and the Elders’ eyes snap to his, while the Confessors look on in disbelief, confused emotions leaving them undecided.
“No,” he says to the Elders, and I cannot believe how well this is going, how well I have planned this. Nobody denies the Elders, nor shows them disrespect. It is a sin far worse than the forbidden emotion. He is a fool.
I see his eyes widen in horror before he looks down. “I have sinned. I have shown the Elders disrespect,” he says in a subdued voice, a defeated voice.
The Elders speak now with red anger in their voices. “We have heard you, Confessor, and we do not forgive you.”
He nods and steps back, melting into the crowd.
I keep her in my sights as I move back, feeling the others’ disgust around me. The Elders move their eyes back to her, and she lifts her chin in defiance, the gleam back in her eyes.
“You are banished for your sin, Confessor, under pain of death,” they say quietly to the hushed crowd of Confessors. She nods and turns to the crowd behind her, and finds my eyes. She smiles and sprints away, past the Elders, out of the Clearing, and out of this life.
I think only of him as I run past confusion. Shock. Fear. I will miss the suppressed emotions, but I know I am welcome in that world I went to.
The Elders look to me, and I step forward yet again. The events of the day have shocked the crowd, and all is quiet as the dead. I am afraid again, though she is safe. No, I am scared for myself, not ready to hear my punishment.
“You are hereby sentenced to a life of imprisonment for your sins, Confessor,” the Elders state, quiet malice in their eyes and voices.
I hang my head, ashamed, afraid and relieved. It is no more than I deserve.
But I know she will come back. I know we will escape the Elders together. For I am sure that was her plan all along. To bring down the Elders.
Rachel Lofgren